“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” – John 1:1
Do your words give life to others?
Let’s think about that concept for a second. Do the words you use and speak daily give life to the people around you? That’s a question that cuts deep and forces us to evaluate things in a very personal way.
A couple of weeks ago I heard a sermon at church that tugged at my heart. It was about the words that we use and power of language.
“Words kill, and words give life” – Proverbs 18:21
Recently I have been so captivated by the power of our language and the dramatic effect it has on the quality of our lives. I wrote a post a few weeks back about how I’m eliminating disempowering words from my vocabulary, you can read it here.
Today’s post goes a little bit deeper into understanding why people use words and language to hurt others, how we can move forward from those hurtful words, and how we can use our words to give life to others.
Hurt people, hurt people
The pastor at my church posted a question on Facebook where he asked people to share something someone has said to them that they have struggled to forgive or forget. It was so sad to read the responses. I want to share a few of them with you, prepare yourself:
“My biological father told me when I was a teenager that I wasn’t smart enough to go to college and wasn’t pretty enough to find a man who wouldn’t cheat on me. I have a masters degree and am married to an amazing Christian man.”
“Someone once told me to stand in the back and pretend to sing, since my voice sounded like crap. This was when I was in the 4th grade, and I was at church participating in a children’s choir. I stopped singing for a long time. In high school, I went on to make the chamber choir, all-state choir, and went on to sing in a praise and worship band.”
“My biological dad wanted perfect, smart, successful, pretty daughters. When I struggled with being overweight as a teenager, he looked at me and said, “No boy will ever want to date a fat girl.”
“My mom, when my ex-husband was leaving me “Do you think it would help if you lost a little weight?” I know she didn’t mean to hurt me, but that was over 20 years ago, and even though she’s gone now, I still hear those words.”
“When I found myself pregnant at 19, one of my family members told me that if I kept my baby, I would never find a man who’d want to marry me with that kind of baggage. For the record, my daughter will be four this year.”
“I don’t love you anymore. You annoy me.” -From my husband of 24 years after telling me, he was leaving me. I keep wondering if I’m annoying people and don’t deserve relationships.”
“When I was a senior in high school my counselor called me to her office for my senior conference. She asked me what I wanted to do. I said to be a teacher. She said I wouldn’t make it.”
“When I decided to quit work to be a full-time mom, I was told it was such a waste to give up my college degree and career to “just” stay home. I went on to use that degree to homeschool our girls through high school, and they are both now in college and love the Lord. Time spent with your children is never a waste!”
“While going through infertility……stop trying so hard; just adopt; stop worrying about it and it will happen. Nope. Never happened. Can’t afford adoption. People truly don’t understand everything that comes along with infertility.”
There were HUNDREDS more disturbing responses people shared. It was hard to read hurtful comment after hurtful comment and feel the pain that these words had caused. It made realize that we all have been hurt by words. There is probably at least one instance we can recall that has stuck with us… Maybe even defined us for a while.
I can still remember what a teacher said to me in the 4th grade. We were writing our portfolios that were due at the end of the year. Writing was my favorite subject; I loved how creative I could be while writing. However, as much as I loved it, I would sometimes struggle to get my ideas onto paper in an organized manner. But that never stopped me from trying.
As we were nearing the end of the assignment, our teacher told us that we needed to write an introduction to our portfolio. She read an excellent example of an introduction that a past student had written. I remember being so inspired by it, how creative and different it was. Through that inspiration, I got to work on creating my masterpiece!
The day had come! It was time to share with my teacher what I had created. When she came over to me and began to read what I had written, I could see a frustrated look come over her. She towered over me as she loudly barked, what is this!? It doesn’t make any sense to me, what were you thinking!? I remember her going to get another teacher to look at what I had written as they both laughed.
I can still distinctly remember the embarrassment that rushed over me. Humiliated in front of my peers, my creative excitement was crushed. I questioned why I had dared to be different and from that moment on decided I shouldn’t try to be creative with my writing because I wasn’t any good at it.
Why do people hurt people? Maybe it’s intentional, and maybe it’s not. Either way, the real answer is that hurt people, hurt people.
“out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks” Matthew 12:34
People that use hurtful language and words are hurt themselves. Their heart is full of pain which can be disguised as anger and from that flows their words.
Hurt people hurt people is such an important thing to understand. The hurtful things that are said to you are not the truth. They are merely the result of someone who has never found healing for their own hurt.
How you can move past the hurtful language that is spoken to you
The simplest answer of how we move past hurtful words. FORGIVE. But gosh, how much easier it is to say than to do. Why is it so hard to forgive those who have hurt us?
First, we have to admit that someone’s words have hurt us. Our preacher suggested something that I had never done before. He suggested that you write out the hurtful words that someone said to you, then cross out those words and write I FORGIVE YOU.
Here is the big point that he made about forgiving someone who has hurt you:
- You aren’t saying you love them
- you aren’t saying you trust you
- you aren’t saying you want to be friends with them
What you’re saying is: I’m NOT going to waste my life letting your false words define and control me.
“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear” – Martin Luther King Jr.
When we don’t release the hurt in our hearts to forgiveness, that hurt turns into anger. And when we walk around with anger in our hearts, we will hurt others with our words, just as we have been hurt. It’s a vicious cycle of hurting and hating.
But we can choose a different way; we can choose to forgive. We can fill our hearts with gratitude and share that generously with others. Tony Robbins says that gratitude is the antidote to suffering. See this post about how I fill myself with gratitude every morning before I start my day.
Use your words to give life to others
What if everything we said and did helped people instead of hurt them? Can you imagine how different our world would look?
Although you may not realize it, your words have such an impact on the people you interact with every day. What if you encouraged someone who you knew was having a bad day or told someone how beautiful they looked. What if you used words and language that you would want someone to speak to you?
We all know how much we need encouragement and how great it feels when we receive it.
Your encouraging words not only help people heal, but they also help you heal.
As you leave this post and go about your day, just remember how much someone may be hurting, and be the person who helps them heal. Your small words of encouragement give life to others, and what’s bigger than giving life to someone who needs it?
“Encourage each other and build each other up” – Thessalonians 5:11
Take one small step today,
Xo-Jenna
Love it!!!