Protect Your Relationships – 5 Things to be Mindful of

Why are we all here?

Albert Einstein said that “Men is here for the sake of other men – above all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness depends.” Read that again and think about it. Now imagine what it would be like on this earth without family, friends, a spouse, co-workers, or people in general. I think it’s safe to say for most of us this would be a complete and utter nightmare and we wouldn’t want to exist in such a place.

It’s such a weird thought to think about because relationships are part of us and without them, life doesn’t seem to make sense. We could look at hundreds of studies, philosophers, writers, researchers, and they all point to the same conclusion. People need people; we need to love and be loved, and our happiness and ability to thrive depend on it.

How have we devalued and underestimated this concept so much in our culture? I want us to take a stand and ask the important question of why we have allowed our relationships to take a backseat in our lives? Why aren’t we present in them? If they are literally something our wellbeing depends on, then why isn’t everyone out there striving to create the best, healthiest, most amazing relationships we could dream of, knowing our lives will be richly blessed in return?

The reality… We have a lot of things working against us in our culture. I bring up 5 points below. I want to be clear that these points are not to be used as a crutch for blame. When we blame, we are assigning responsibility to something other than ourselves. I bring up these points for awareness. When we can become consciousness of things, we can be more productive in how we approach them.

1.) Confusing monetary value with real value

What is the most important/valuable thing to you in this entire world? If I had to bet (and I don’t typically win bets, just ask my husband!) it wouldn’t be something that cost money. I don’t know about you, but of all things that come to my mind, none of them have any monetary value. However, this plays out a little differently in our culture. Things that are given to us for nothing we tend to place little value/importance on and things we pay money for we see as valuable/important.

”Everything that’s really worthwhile in life came to us free – our minds, our souls, our bodies, our dreams, our ambition, our intelligence, our love of family and children and friends and country.” – Earl Nightingale

”Everything that’s really worthwhile in life came to us free - our minds, our souls, our bodies, our dreams, our ambition, our intelligence, our love of family and children and friends and country.” - Earl Nightingale Click To Tweet

Could it be we take for granted our free gifts in life, i.e. relationships? Relationships are a generous gift, they don’t cost anything, yet we take them for granted.

You see, the danger with putting so much value on things that cost money is that they will never make us feel fulfilled for very long. It’s sad to see people use their life to chase things with monetary value only to find out later it doesn’t match up with the real value in their hearts. We need to be mindful of our free gifts and protect the real value we long for.

2.) Instant Gratification

We are a society that has become addicted to this concept: The desire to experience pleasure or fulfillment without delay. Meaningful relationships take time, work, and patience, three things that directly contradict the core of instant gratification.

This concept breeds selfishness and leaves no room for self-control. Unfortunately, we see the heartache of this behavior all around. It leaves us craving more and more, and all we find is less and less. To beat instant gratification, we have to practice self-control and see the big picture, our lives, and relationships as a whole, and not as a moment.

3.) Fast paced living

 Is it just me or do we seem to place our worth on how busy we are? The busier we are, the more important we feel. Living this way hinders our ability to slow down and nurture our close relationships. It creates chronic stress in our lives and causes us to miss the beauty of the journey.

Busyness is a silent killer in our culture. It is seemingly harmless for a while until we wake up and see what it’s taken from us. It seems as though people are always in a hurry or not in the present moment. It’s amazing how beautiful our lives are when we slow down and are present.

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going to fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why” – Eddie Cantor

4.) Sense of Entitlement

An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others. With this kind of thinking people put their needs above others and find their needs more important. This behavior is a recipe for disaster for any relationship. It brings about favor toward one person while the other person’s needs are pushed to the side.

No matter what kind of relationship we are talking about, intimate, friends, or any other, selfishness is a sure fire way to block any form of a meaningful bond. We want to care for and be cared for; there is no room for entitlement or selfishness in healthy relationships.

5.) Acting out of emotion

In our fast paced world tensions can run high in our relationships. A hundred different things could be going on in our minds at one time. When someone crosses our path the wrong way at the wrong time, watch out! Acting out is the idea that we release whatever emotions are inside of us without thinking about it. We see this all the time, and I’m no stranger to it myself. What’s the danger with it? Well, pick your poison! Most often it results in saying, or acting in a way we regret. And then comes the guilt, anger, and resentment.

If we aren’t getting ourselves to a healthy mindset every day, then our emotions are going to be a reflection of that. We have to take a second and become aware and listen to our emotions; we listen until we can rationally hear the voice from within, your authentic voice.

Phycology Today says “Learning to hold the tension between the various voices clamoring for our attention is not easy, but when you really do it that first time it is its own reward. Why? Because responding from authenticity gives us peace.”

I’m a true believer in getting your mindset to a healthy state every morning before your day starts. Click here to read how you can do that successfully. By starting the day more aware, it helps us listen to our emotions better and hear our authentic self, not the irrational voice of acting out.

Protect Your Relationships

My hope is you recognize that although there are a lot of things in our culture working against our relationships, we have the ability to choose a different way. We can choose this by being mindful and fighting hard to live by what we truly value. It’s not the easy way, but it’s certainly the way that will bring peace and happiness

I have struggled most with acting out of my emotions. It has taken work, but I’m pushing to hear my authentic voice from within before speaking, especially in a high tension situations. I’m actively learning about what my emotions are telling me and understanding what they really mean.

It has proven to avoid unnecessary arguments and provide an incredible sense of peace, not only for myself but others as well. Have any of you found yourself struggling with any of these five topics in your relationships? Do you have any helpful tips on how to overcome them?

 

Take one small step today.

 

Xo-Jenna